October 27th, 2009
why the hell should i give a fuck
October 16th, 2009
i love pizza, ice cream, having a car, having money, and weed, and fruit punch, and cigarettes
i only have one of the above things ): how depressing
October 8th, 2009
I'm not a therapist, i'm not a poet, my voive won't melt your heart, i only deserve one chance, and i will probably fuck it up. I am only human.
I'm not deep, I don't have anything philisophical or life changing to tell you, i don't hold myself higher than anyone else in this world, but when I have confidence i will make damn sure no one brings me down.
I won't put up an act and if i don't care, you will know. I won't hide my feelings, and i really don't need someone to tell me that i shouldn't take life to seriously because you are talking to someone who never took life seriously until maybe two months ago, I AM THE LAST person you need to tell that too.
I'm also not one of those girls worried about love, about boys, and who doesn't HAVE to have someone to wrap her arms around to be happy. I stay true to my friends, to my family, no matter how much i may bitch about them they are the ones i love and who have always been there for me and i will always be there for them and do anything they need me to do EXCEPT change myself. I will not change myself for anyone but myself, for better or for worse, i will do whatever i want with myself if it makes me happy, despite what others may think or say, because i really do not care. I will tell you what you want to know, and maybe what you want to hear (hey, it's gotten me so far, right? People seem to dig that sort of thing)
I don't play silly games, i don't skrew around, and i'm not wasting my time finding some deeper meaning to life, i want the answers to the aftermath, not the answer to what i make of myself.
October 7th, 2009
God, why am I just the biggest fucking idiot on the face of this planet?
I lied, I lied, I lied, a million times, I lied
October 3rd, 2009
I truly and honestly believe that schizophrenics aren't really mentally ill people The hallucinations that have (both audible and visual) , i believe, are just things the rest of us don't want to see or hear. I mean, there really could be invisible things out there that we were just taught not to see or listen too, that everyone else calls "demons". You heard them before you were taught not too, right?
I remember I did, I heard and saw unexplainable things all the time, things that my parents brushed off and told me didn't exist. I remembered and I saw and heard until i was convinced again they weren't real.
sorry for all the spelling errors, I'm not going to correct myself. Persona; thoughts on a personal day, they aren't meant to have some hidden meaning, or to be deep, it's honestly something i truly think
September 29th, 2009
i want a forever. Just my own little personal forever, where time just doesn't seem to end and I'm not afraid.
i think what most forevers are is just not being afraid of the end
the actual feeling of living is such a foreign thing, really. I don't mean that in a depressing sense or the whole "I should be dead" thing, it's jsut the only way I know how to explain it, it's alien. Maybe i just think about it too often.
Right now i know i am typing, i know i am explaining myself, but i don't know for what reason, i don't know what this is going to prove. I can feel everything in my body, every organ, every little pain, and every little relaxing muscle. I can hear everything i am typing right now in my mind (What are thoughts anyway? how are they possible really? I could read all my books on the explanations of the human mind and thought and it still wouldn't explain to me enough to understand exactly how they are possible.) I can feel my lungs filling up with air. You know when you are high, and you can just feel everything so clearly? Everything in your body you can feel, literally, just because you can not because it's hurting or bothering you, it's that feeling. Your mind just wonders off, and even though you can feel everything in your body, you know you aren't there, and your body just becomes one big foreign thing. In a technical sense, you are living, you are alive, and it's a foreign feeling.
You know, it's probably all just me, but I don't think we were meant to be confined to such limited things, with such limited abilities.
September 28th, 2009
I want you
that's really all I have to say
I don't know why I want you, but I do
probably because I know there is no way I can have you
Got into a car accident today, AWESOME
September 27th, 2009
I love hearing everyone's stories
share your story with me
oh and sometimes i hate having a built in webcam, because what if it is on, and I don't know? you know?
and everyone can see what I am doing? Oh, being a paranoid freak does not have any upsides to it, no no no
I need something interesting to talk about.
You know, if I ever were going to get married, it would probably be to a complete smart ass, and we would get into an argument (because we would both just like to argue) and then he would just tell me to marry him just like that "Marry Me" and I would say "Ok" and then we would be the perfect match. It all plays out in my head, you know.
September 26th, 2009
This week has quite possibly been one of the strangest weeks I've had so far. I don't mean one of the strangest weeks in my lifetime, no, just in the past year I suppose. It's strange I guess, and the way I have been feeling probably won't make any sense at all.
It's probably just because I feel like I haven't seen anyone or been anywhere in the past week, and my week went by way to fast and all week I was at home by myself, and I feel severely under- appreciated because I've been doing things around this house all week, and it's never clean enough and I jsut keep getting bitched at for all this stupid stuff that I'm not doing because I can't do it
and I really need more things to keep me occupied
I listened to Arcade Fire the other day, they are a pretty nice band, in my opinion anyway, I really like them. And yes I did get them from the Where the Wild Things Are preview, because I reallyw anted to know what song that was the played, thank god though. Music should be shared! for all you dumbass faggots that are into the underground bands make music for everyone willing to listen to hear.
anyway, i really did like the song on the previews, it's called Wake Up
Somethin’ filled up
my heart with nothin’,
someone told me not to cry.
But now that I’m older,
my heart’s colder,
and I can see that it’s a lie.
Children wake up,
hold your mistake up,
before they turn the summer into dust.
If the children don’t grow up,
our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We’re just a million little god’s causin rain storms turnin’ every good thing to rust.
I guess we’ll just have to adjust.
With my lighnin’ bolts a glowin’
I can see where I am goin’ to be
when the reaper he reaches and touches my hand.
With my lighnin’ bolts a glowin’
I can see where I am goin’
With my lighnin’ bolts a glowin’
I can see where I am go-goin’
You better look out below!
ok, where the bold is, the change of pace and music really did enlighten me, just listen to the song you'll understand
listen to all their songs
September 25th, 2009
People should feel more emotions in their entirety. That's probably something most people do now, but I see more of a one-emotion thing, it gets sort of annoying after a while.
I mean damn.
Emotions blind, any emotion, I think people use Love more often because that's the only one people really pay attention to, but any emotion will blind you if it's the only thing you choose to feel or think about, it really keeps you from experiencing other things
every time i try and explain something I end up sounding like a nervous little kid, UNDERSTAND THIS DAMNIT!
ON ANOTHER NOTE
I seriously can not wait for the movie Where the Wild things are to come out
Mom bought me a toy of one of the characters today, man I was so happy. I feel like I'm a little kd again, but I guess that's what makes me so excited for this movie. I know it's not going to be anything like the book, but the previews look so cool, and the characters are so so soooo close to the illustrations AND I REMEMBER I remember always wanting a little outfit like wild thing's the cute little wolf outfit, man that was so cool!
anyway, I just thought i would express my fucking excitement for this movie. Anyone who read that book as a child is going to see it, I know it. I used to have that book with me everywhere